Heritage.

There's more than a tiny crumb
of my past inside your eyes,
very careful not to see too much
yet they get aware every time.

You tried your best not to feel any hatred
you'd feel so wicked to admit your disdain;
my chronical guilt is clear heritage
but you see, that's what leads me astray.

 One illusion is enough,
two worlds broken are too much.
so this dinner is speechless,
I sigh and I cough
while you ask about my lunch.
You know my heart ain't stainless.

There was a time when I nearly believed 
and there was a day when I saw you relieved,
but my dignity of a woman has been destroyed.
Am I still a woman  if my pulse's concealed?

Yet I love you so,
tho' you never taught me 
that I should love myself
despite of it all.

Cyanotic.

Do not try to comprehend,

my dearest Friend - this is the Hell.

All my bruises swell.

I tamed the fire with ice,

my vice. I breath because
the grief withdraws.

On this awkward stage

I cannot play my rage.

Etereal outlines - 

two-faced butterflies

round off my clavicle

and restart the cycle;

chop off any thorn

from my core forlorn.

And I shudder with disgust:

what have I done to myself

to make this mirror my must...

Constantly cold and blue,

I reach out my dazed hand.

Of the way back I have no clue.

Paper boat.

 

I promised
I'd have given myself another chance.
I swear
I'm not into, try to balance
the leak.
I fall apart with the second glance
and I know,
all I can argue makes just no sense.

I miss you so and can't control my mess,
pay attention - or the world shall do it for you;
I am so smooth in words, so tough in threats,
so tiny in your heart so weighty in your mind.

I count
my ribs as I count back the days
I've been feeling
like a paper boat prone to sinking
in the ocean;
"...must be the Spring", that night I said,
but Summer came
and our edges stopped linking.

It hurts so much but I found the way
to get through this, guess what's the news?
The vilest way to anesthetize the pain:
when I lose my youth, you also lose.

I stomach your fear so nude,
your game tastes raw and rude
but She seems to overwhelm
when joy expires its term.

This blank's so evil to feel,
the one you created - and deny to fill,
inside your mind turned into weighty,
inside your heart now I'm so tiny.

And I
just want
to disappear.

Digest.

As I get thinner

inside yourself;

as our picture loses
its importance,
little by little
fades;

as you close the gates
of your empathy

and you implore
for my health
to digest your guilt,

my dear,
I can just love or hate.
There is no grey,
this is what you say.

If you can't contemplate
this puny figure,
please tolerate.

Porcelain.

Oh, monster of my reproach,

you scream inside so squeaky

like sharpened nails on my jaded back

you injure my pride so sneaky.

A role reversal I can't tolerate

here in my bed turned into sea;

I am the Priestess, so cozy and alone,

a porcelain whore with a heart fulfilled.

The initiation for the thristy minds

I gave water to, emptying my pitcher

and like water I adapt to everything

and everyone who makes me differ.

I bit my lips until the blood pours out

to prove that it's just another nightmare,

the wheel that turns again too fast...

afraid to disperse, I refuse to share.

Plato's cave.

Tired eyes, breathless mouth,
look at what you created;

it's cold outside - you're cold inside
when every drawback becomes hatred

filling the holes in your heart,
and the thorns of your past
have become so big that every rose has died;
there's no light there, where you hide

so come outside, where you can't see
- come outside, where you are forced to live;
where all your rage has no direction,
hatred turns into misconception;

so come outside, where nothing has a meaning
out of your Plato's cave,
where experience is stronger than a thought

you gave birth to,

wearing the mask of the brave.

 VedenKH

Under my skin.

                           
Straight ahead until my heart collapse;

 I relapse,
words unspoken just get thick inside,

heavy they bear the weight of loss,
they build my cross.
Silence screams when I hide behind

my mask, my bones, my stones
- She hates me,
my release, my win - my ruin
- She eats me;
it's easier to fall than to climb,

- my ruin, my win;

everything gets harder with every time,

- the mess outside,

 and only void under my skin.

VedenKH - Oct. 2011